Rediscovering the Sacrament of Mercy, Part Two

One's view of God determines just about everything.

In Part One of this blog, we looked at the societal loss of the sense of sin, and how that may be a root cause of Catholics' avoidance of the confessional. 

But I am convinced that there is a second reason so many Catholics don't celebrate the sacrament of Reconciliation. 

Many of us live with a distorted image of God.

For some He is invisible, cosmic teddy bear, or permissive parent who just wants to be his children's best friend. 

For others He is a terrifying ogre, manifesting Himself in various ways that all spell: Keep your distance! 

Both of these images are conducive to avoidance of the confessional.

In another blog post we will look, in detail, at the former image of God (Teddy Bear-god), and its effect on the faith of the family, so here we will concentrate on the latter image: the one that frightens people. I believe this distortion keeps many more people away from the confessional than any other. 

The scary-god has many faces.

Many seem to see Him as the Divine Bookkeeper-god, keeping count of their transgressions like bad purchases, measuring the deficits and eagerly planning their termination. This god makes hands shake and knees wobble.  

Some tragically see God as the Sadistic Child-god; He enjoys manipulating his creatures, frustrating their plans and dreams. Imagine a divine version of the little brat you knew in school who took twisted pleasure in pulling the wings off of flies. Seeking relief from boredom (after all, what is there to do in those heavenly clouds?), this god takes delight in watching his toys stumble and suffer.

And some view God as the Emotionally Abusive Father-god. He looks at his children with disgust and complains, “You can’t do anything right. I gave you everything and you have made a mess of it all. What a disappointment you are to me!” He is a bully, an angry and hateful counter-father.

The common denominator of these heresies and many others is that God is a god to be feared and avoided at all costs. Dramatic stories of mean priests in the confessional from decades ago (I would venture some true, some exaggerated) fuel the fire of fear.

It should be noted that the positive Biblical notion of Fear of the Lord is quite different from this fear. Proper Fear of the Lord is based in reality: it is a recognition of the Awesomeness of God (awesome is yet another word that has been hijacked and misused by the popular culture), and is properly understood as a holy reverence, the kind of awe that Moses experienced before the Divine Presence. 

So in addition to a solid catechesis that clearly and faithfully teaches that we are sinners and in need of Divine Mercy, the other way to draw Catholics home to the sacrament of mercy might be to help them discover the beautiful truth about God the Father.

Replacing the Caricatures of God with Truth

Blessed John Paul II offered a biblical corrective for our distorted images:

“Christ… reveals God who is Father, who is ‘love,’ as St. John will express it in his first letter; Christ reveals God as ‘rich in mercy,’ as we read in St. Paul. This truth is not just the subject of a teaching; it is a reality made present to us by Christ. Making the Father present as love and mercy is, in Christ's own consciousness, the fundamental touchstone of His mission as the Messiah... On the basis of this way of manifesting the presence of God who is Father, love and mercy, Jesus makes mercy one of the principal themes of His preaching.”  (Dives in Misericordia, no. 3)

Clearly, God waits for our return. One may say He longs to forgive. It can be said that God hates sin. Why? Because He loves us, and desires communion us, and sin is an obstacle to union. If you don’t believe this, perhaps a rereading of the parable of the Prodigal Son is in order (see Luke 15:11-32). Notice how the father, the Lord’s icon of God the Father, runs to meet his once-wayward-now-repentant son on the road of return.

It is essential that we are honest with ourselves, that we continually face our personal distortions of God’s image, and work to shatter these false images and allow God to reveal Himself as he truly is. 

If we don’t courageously confront our distortions of God with the truth that comes to us through Divine Revelation, we risk passing on our heresies to our children. If we see God as terrifying spirit eager to punish, we risk teaching our children that God is an ogre to hide from rather than a Loving Father to run to.

The Power of Parents' Witness

If a parent's neglect of the sacrament of Reconciliation is the symptom of an undeveloped sense of sin, the child will easily adopt the same cavalier attitude. 

This may seem unimportant when the sins we are talking about involve second grade transgressions such as sneaking a cookie, but it is not. All sin is an affront to God. And what about as the child grows and the sin becomes quite damaging, with a potential to do significant emotional and spiritual harm? 

Sin begets sin, and setting a child in the habit of regular confession provides what we might call a "training in mercy" and the practice of grace-full living. This will be essential as the child matures to adulthood, and is faced with greater temptations to selfishness.

If a parent's avoidance of the confessional is due to an inordinate fear of God, his child will pick up on that fear and he will make it his own, as well. 

Imagine how terrified of the doctor your child would be if every time you needed medical attention you demonstrated denial and didn't go ("Oh, that growth on my forehead is perfectly normal and will go away on its own!"), or did go and acted like a nervous wreck all the way out the door.  

It is the parents’ responsibility to form the child, to help him develop and rise to the dignity of his humanity. One's humanity is diminished by a cavalier attitude toward sin and a failure to recognize and respond to God’s mercy. Avoidance of mercy, for whatever reason, never enriches one's humanity. Jesus came that we might have life, and have it abundantly (cf. John 10:10); He came to restore our humanity, obscured and deformed as it was by the Fall. He came to reconcile us to the Father.

Leading Children to Encounter Mercy

A good parent never neglects his child’s bodily needs: food, shelter, education, and health. A good parent must not neglect his children's spiritual needs, either. 

A parent is a teacher, the primary teacher of the Faith to his children. Teachers teach best by example. When the parent personally seeks God’s healing mercy by participating in the sacrament of Reconciliation, he is demonstrating to his children that he knows three essential realities: 1) God is trustworthy, 2) God is merciful, and 3) God desires to forgive and reconcile us to Himself.

These three realities will make all the difference in our children’s lives. In living these truths, our children will be able to walk in joyful confidence and hope. Learning and embracing these truths will affect everything in their lives.

We parents will put tremendous time and energy into preparing our children for school, sports, and success in worldly terms, but we mustn't we neglect the opportunity to prepare our children for a greater success, that of living fully and joyfully in a mature relationship with their Father in Heaven.

Picture this: It is Saturday afternoon, and the family members are engaged in various activities around the house. The father pokes his head into his son’s room and says, “Hey, buddy. I'm headed to Reconciliation. Want to join me?”

His son says, “Sure,” and they drive to the church together. 

They pray in silence as they wait their turns, and after each has celebrated the sacrament, they head home, talking about the game they watched the night before.

It may seem like an insignificant, mundane event in the life of a family, but what you have just witnessed is an act of incredible love of a parent for his child.